This one is important. Many of us have developed a habit of down talking OURSELVES. This is not necessarily to others, but TO OURSELVES. The impact of this can be catastrophic.
Imagine you have a friend that constantly down talks himself. What happens? Eventually, you do not want to spend much time with that friend as they become quite toxic, you generally start thinking negatively and you run a risk of falling into the trap of pitying that friend.
Now, imagine that you were constantly down talking people. People would not want to spend much time with you as you most likely come across as quite toxic, you generally start thinking negatively and people run a risk of falling into the trap of pitying you.
Pretty bad huh?
Now, imagine that you were constantly down talking yourself to other people. Again, people would not want to spend much time with you as you most likely come across as quite toxic, you start disliking yourself and people run a risk of falling into the trap of pitying you.
What could possibly be worse? Does it even get worse than this?
Now, imagine that you were constantly down talking yourself TO YOURSELF. You would not want to spend much time with yourself, you start disliking yourself and run a risk of falling in the trap of self-pity.
How hazardous could this be?
If you down talk yourself at every single, or almost every single, opportunity that you get, your confidence, self-love and self-respect disappear.
I guess that your next question would be “but how can I stop this?”
Well, there is really only one way. It is to replaced the negative self-talk with more objective and realistic self-talk. Sometimes we forget that our negative self-talk is often subjective, and the absolute opposite of what people see/how you come across to others.
Lets say that you are preparing a meal for your family and the cooking takes a little longer than anticipated. An example of down talk would be “I’m so bad, the meal will be late now.”, “the meal will be late! I’m useless” or “I can’t do anything” etc.
The best way to stop this is to learn to recognise down talk. At first, it can be quite hard to recognise as it may have become a habit.It does get easier, and you may even realise that you down talk yourself pretty much all of the time!
Activity 1, 2 and 3 can all be used to replace negative self talk with positive self talk. Going back to the meal example:
Instead of saying that “the meal will be late! I’m useless”, replace this with “you are still preparing the meal, it may take a little longer, I have all of the ingredients that I need and my recipe and I will get this cooked.”
As you can see, by stating that you have all of the ingredients and the recipe, you are suggesting that you are well prepared (see activity 3.) Also, by stating that you “will” get it cooked, you are using positive, confident language (see activity 2.) Also, in stating that you are still preparing the meal, you are implying that you are actually a good person! This is because you are still trying! ( see activity 1.)
There are countless examples that can be used to demonstrate this.
Also, if you follow activity 1, you will find that you will automatically down talk less. This is because you are aware of the great qualities that you have and that one little delay in something does not dictate your true self.
This evening, I will be posting a video on self-love. I will also post my notes on the video for those who feel like they want to write some stuff down.
Have a lovely day,